This time of year always leaves me feeling a little bleak, my reserves of colour and inspiration gathered throughout the warm months have depleted and I'm left feeling rather flat. One area that gets massively effected is my confidence. On the surface I'm a bubbly chatty person, eight years as a PA have given me the ability to talk to anyone from a very important CEO of a multinational company to the cleaner that empties the bins (for the record I have much more respect for the cleaner) but inside I struggle with believing in myself.
When I was ten my teacher, who was a poisonous women, told me I was stupid. She sat us all down and said those of you at the back of the room are clever and those at the front need help - there I was at the front in the very centre, it still makes me feel sick to this day. I wish twenty-three years on I could shake that feeling, its clouded everything from job interviews to friendships and now I'm finding its creeping into my creative work.
I still feel silly promoting what I do here on my blog - I get hugely embarrassed when I talk to someone new about it but I shouldn't. When I do the dreadful thing of comparing stats and other peoples opportunities I feel like the ten year old at the front of the classroom. I know its ridiculous and needs to stop. I've always squeezed my blog in between a full time job, wedding planning, house renovating, growing and raising a baby and I should be really proud. I've set up workshops teaching my own projects, worked with some great brands (hi there Liberty), written regularly for Mollie Makes, almost written a book (more on that soon) and created a blog/hashtag project that has now taken on a life of its own - all as a hobby!
As I always count Easter as the start of a new year, I'm going to do things a little differently this year. When doubt strikes (currently 100 times a day), I'll promote myself a little more, when I start to compare, I'll remember what I have already done. Just writing this post has been a massive step and thank you if you've reached the end, I'll keep you updated with my progress.
Your photos are always absolutely beautiful I only wish I could get mine to look as good. Have you written any blog posts on photographing things and how to get the gorgeously fresh and vivid looks that you manage to achieve? Love your blog ..... Kay
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Kay, I really appreciate your kind words. I haven't written about my photography yet but I will do. :-) xxx
DeleteWhat a wonderful post, I'm so pleased to read it ending on such a positive note! The amount of work you do for your blog is amazing considering you work full time alongside everything else life brings with it - the content is always such high quality and you're right - you should be extremely proud. Excited to read your progress :) xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Katie :-) xx
DeleteIt is amazing what an impact one teacher can have...both negative and positive. Feel so sad that such a thoughtless person can have such effect. Know looking in, it is amazing to have achieved such a lot...I only work part time and struggle to keep up on a blog, house and family. Love your honesty.
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It's true, I think i always got unlucky when it came to teachers. I know there are some wonderfully inspiring teachers out there. xx
DeleteI was slapped in front of the entire class, under my skirt ! I think teachers can have huge consequences over self-esteem. I am now teaching (how can I be back to a classroom ?!), and this is a way of doing something I have always missed. I am very careful and try to be supportive ! I am sure you met other great people on your journey who gave you all the respect you deserve. I knew from your pictures you had something special. Talent, of course, and great sensitivity ! (I also attended one of your workshop and had a great time blogging on Styling the Seasons !); so thank you for being inspirational !
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Claire :-) I try and be really encouraging in all my workshops. I have met some fabulous people along the way especially through blogging, the creative community is so encouraging. xx
DeleteI read this with great interest Charlotte - it's funny how the careless, throwaway comments of others can have such an enormous impact on our lives, isn't it? I think you do an absolutely fantastic job sharing your wonderful, inspirational ideas with others - I really love that you do this. By the way, watch out for an email from me in the next day or so, I've a little idea up my sleeve I'd love to run past you. Sending much love, Annabel xxx
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