I can't believe how fast time has gone since I wrote this post. Being a mama is certainly a full time job and now understand why my own mum still asks me if I'm cold and need a cardigan or tries to hold my hand when we cross the road at almost 33 - that maternal instinct just gets stronger and stronger.
The first six weeks were great I was expecting the worst but went with it and it was ok. Random strangers would congratulate me in the Post Office for being out the house before noon, I'd (almost) get applauded for getting dressed and putting make-up on and the checkout staff at Aldi would go a little slower - there was a lovely sense of being looked after by friends, family and strangers alike. Of course there were bad days when I had absolutely no clue what I was doing but mostly the days were good and so full of new experiences.
I found the second six weeks harder as everyone went back to old routines. I watched Dan, my sisters and friends doing all the things my old self did with such ease - travelling, galavanting around London, exercising. Random anxieties kept me awake throughout the night and I began to feel like my old self had completely disappeared. The thought of leaving Stanley even for a minute made me panic, (he really doesn't like taking a bottle, although he is much better) and I felt like I was completely irrelevant to everyone and had nothing exciting to contribute.
The past few weeks have been much easier, for one I am being much kinder to myself and have made a resolution to enjoy these precious early days as much as I can. The first gummy smile in the morning re-sets the love button like nothing else, I know he's not always going to high-kick with happiness when he sees me. Every week Dan and I both marvel at what he can do - grabbing, almost sitting up, chatting and giggling, becoming a mum the best and hardest thing I have ever done. I'm slowly adding back activities my old self liked to do; a bit of Sunday yoga, drinks with friends, the odd trip up to London and of course making, there is nothing like having a baby to make you evaluate what is truly important to you.